Enzo’s Election Guide

The humans are having an election. It seems that every few years they all get together and decide who should be running the country. I’ve been watching it on telly lately and I must say, it looks like fun. There’s lots of barking loudly, running around in circles and sniffing each other’s bottoms. In addition, there’s strategic aggressive posturing, pretending to submit before delivering the killer blow and eating everything anyone puts in your hand. It’s the best dog impersonation I’ve seen humans do. If I get reincarnated as a human, I want to be a politician.

One side seems to represent the thoroughbred, blue bloods. There’s Corgis, Poodles, Bulldogs, all the old-fashioned status dogs, with a few Rottweilers and German Shepherds thrown in for good measure. Hovering around the edge of this pack are an assortment of Mongrel breeds who’ve made good. Self-made types with a chip on their shoulder and others whose opinions are too extreme for the main pack. I guess they know they will never be accepted into the blue blood pack, but they hang around in the shadows, trying to pick up scraps.

On the other side there are a range of working dogs. Livestock breeds; Kelpies, Border Collies and the like, with a sprinkling of the smaller vermin hunters; Jack Russells, Fox Terriers and a whole range of cross bred types. No inbreeding in this lot! There is the odd thoroughbred in this pack too. They’ve crossed over, probably recognising a better breeding pool and being a bit worried about their pups developing hip dysplasia or chin recession.

In the middle is an odd group of Labradoodles, Cockapoos and Boston Terriers who obviously couldn’t get into either of the two main packs. They realise they will never be in power in their own right and content themselves with focusing on issues like national parks and ensuring there are enough dog bags put out at dog beaches.

Last of all there’s the independents. High plain drifter types with unknown breeding lines who bear allegiance to no-one. Mostly they are invisible will of the wisps but occasionally – when there’s about to be a showdown in Dogtown – they drift down the street like Clint Eastwood and get involved in the fighting.

Now you know about the players in the political system, let me tell you the very best bit about elections! This will make your tail wag!

Wherever you go to vote, there will be someone giving out free sausages! Yes, I kid you not, free sausages! How good is that? Enzo tip: go for the sausage and bread, but no sauce and onions! Sauce and onions are generally not good for dogs. Sausage and bread, on the other hand, are just perfect.

So, there you have it, everything you need to know about politics.

Bring on election day and may the best dog win!

May the rest of us get a sausage, Dog knows we’ll be lucky to get anything else out of it!



We'd love to hear what you think